It is very natural to feel that stress comes from outside of us.
Other people, unexpected news, a long list of jobs to do.
All of these can feel like they are pressing in on us. I would like to offer a slightly different way of looking at it, because I have seen it make a real difference to the people I work with.
Things happen in life, good, difficult and everything in between. What shapes our experience is often how we see those events and how we respond to them. One person can find a situation deeply upsetting whilst another takes it in their stride, and the event itself is exactly the same.
A small example from everyday life
Imagine you are clearing out your home. You have a deadline and you are working through cupboards and boxes. In amongst everything you find a collection of old photographs you had forgotten about.
In that moment you might feel a wave of sadness. Time has passed, perhaps some of the people in the photos are no longer with you. That feeling is real and it deserves to be honoured. You might also find the sadness takes over so completely that you stop the whole task and feel unable to carry on.
It can help to notice that the upset is not really coming from the photographs themselves. It is coming from what they stir up in you. Once you see that, you have a choice. You could put the photos to one side, with care, and come back to them when you have the time and space to enjoy them properly. Then you can carry on with what you set out to do.
Having a choice gives you back some power
This is not about pretending you do not feel things, or that difficult moments are not difficult. Sometimes being upset is exactly the right response. It is about recognising that you have some say in how long you stay there and what you do next.
When you notice your response, you can pause and ask yourself what would serve you best right now. Sometimes that is a cry and a cup of tea. Sometimes it is a walk. Sometimes it is simply carrying on with the next small thing. Each of these is a choice, and choosing feels very different from being swept along.
This matters at any age, but particularly in later life, when there can be a lot of change to adjust to. Health, family, home and loss can all bring strong feelings. Having a way to steady yourself makes those changes easier to navigate.
If you are supporting a parent…
If you are helping a parent through a big clear out or a move, you may see them become overwhelmed by memories. Gentle patience helps. Suggest a special box for the things that need more time, so the emotional sorting can happen separately from the practical sorting. This can be hugely beneficial for everyone.
If this has been helpful, please pass it on to a friend who is carrying more than usual at the moment. A new perspective can be a real gift.
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Stress in an Inside Job - YouTube Video
Copyright © Gayle Palmer and Aligned Later Life.com 2018-2026
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